What is this, a Modern Love episode?—Short Story

A couple of hours more, and the whole world will go into a frenzy, waiting to experience the happiest minute of the entire year. from 12:00 to 12:01. Here, the celebrations have already started. Flashes of colorful sparkles accompanied by heart-stopping short bursts of thunderous sounds spread across the dark sky. I’ve always hated happy occasions. I couldn’t bear to see people in a festive mood. makes me scornful. Pathetic, I know. Sometimes I’m an asshole for unknown reasons.

I’m waiting for her on the terrace. There’s a single white bulb that illuminates this deserted place. I look at the moon, and my heart clutches all of a sudden, so I turn away. From here, looking down, I could see 4–5 people scattered here and there. a rare occurrence, considering it’s New Year’s Eve. Most people in our apartments are students studying at the nearby university. We too belong to the same tribe. Almost everyone left for their hometown because of the long holiday. We decided to stay here. proud victims of academic pressure and placement anxieties.

I have been waiting to have this conversation with her for the past three months. She kept dodging, always giving ridiculous reasons. I guess she anticipated that it was time we had the "talk." A year of fooling around, rough sex rendezvous, and exploring borderline criminal kinks, but I don’t know whether she’s a cat person or a dog person. It always irked me. We never spoke about it because of the awkwardness it would create. Same class, same flats, neighboring rooms. It all started six months ago on that fateful night while watching a movie. Her roommates were off to a party, and she was alone and asked me to come over because she was bored to death. I went there, suggested that we watch a movie, and settled on "Blue is the Warmest Color." Maybe it’s the two French women’s moans and grunts; she got hot and we fucked. never spoke about it the next day. From then on, “Wanna watch a movie?” is our Coitus Code. We fuck, and it goes into the vault.

I’m going to confront her today. I’m going to rip off her shield, dash into her guard, and cause tremors in her heart. big words for a coward like myself. I don’t know how it’s going to go. I like her. It’s not just the fucking. It’s her damn smile. It’s the way she snorts every time she laughs. You know it’s honest and serious when a weird quirk makes you go, "Aww."

The sky announces yet another flashlight of flaming glitter, and the outburst startles me. The staccato of whooshing and banging is starting to get on my nerves. I hear footsteps. The door opens, and it’s her...

What are you doing here? Don't you want to watch a movie?

Ahh, I’d love to, but no.

Why? What do you want to do? Why did you call me here?

I want to ask you something.

Okay? What is it?

No, actually, I want to talk with you.

It’s getting dark here, don’t you think? It’s noisy too. Come on, let’s go down and talk.

No, I want us to talk here. I know the chances of us "talking" are pretty slim when we go to your room. So yeah.

You’re starting to sound weird.

Yeah sorry. Listen, can we just stay here for a few minutes and talk? Please?

Sure. Okay. What do you want to talk about?

Thanks. So yeah. Uhh… How do I put it? Yes, so tell me about your mother.

What?!

You heard me. Tell me about your mother. How do you feel about your relationship with her?

Why? Why do you want to know about it?

Because I don’t know. I don’t know anything about you. I don’t know about your family. I don’t know your pet peeves. I don’t know your career aspirations. I don’t know your political inclinations. I know you love it when I pin you down and whisper dirty names while I fuck you from behind, but I don’t know whether you love cats or dogs.

Wow. That’s… That's a lot to process.

Sorry, but I want to get to know you. I don’t even know what we are. Is it just a situationship?

Situationship? Do we need to have a tag?

I don’t know. I like you. I love the sex. But you also amuse me as a person. I want to know more about you. What do you think?

Well, I like you too. I'm just afraid.

Of vulnerability?

Please don’t scare me off with such heavy words. I dread it.

Don’t worry. I’ve thought about it. I have a plan. This psychologist came up with 36 questions to help you understand your partner better and develop intimacy. Self-disclosure is the first step to vulnerability, it seems.

36 questions? What is this, a Modern Love episode?

At least I’ll ask three questions if it’s not too much. Will you be comfortable with it? Let’s start slow. I know it’s a lot.

Okay. I’m in. Oof. Vulnerability—here I come. Ask away.

Thank you. Let’s start with your mother. So how do you feel about your relationship with her?

You know how there’s this one big tree in your yard that’s been there for many years, with a stout trunk, infinite branches, thick foliage of leaves, home to many nests? You can’t remember when the last time you watered it, but it grows on its own, all majestic. It doesn’t have any vegetative value; you can’t eat off it, but after a long day, when you sit under its shade, rest your head on its trunk, and close your eyes, sleep automatically takes over, and you can sense all the weariness drifting off your body. The sound of the ruffling leaves, the chillness of the air, the scent of the green, and the sweet calls of the cuckoo. After resting for a few minutes, you can go on about your day. The tree will not intervene in any part of your life until the next visit. You can’t chop it off, and you can’t stay in the shade forever. That’s the relationship I have with my mother. It’s odd.

I’m… I'm at a loss for words.

You asked for it.

Yes yes. You’re good with your words. It’s like… I felt so... I'm deeply moved.

Haha, thanks. Move to the next question.

Wait a second. I’ll read it. It’s on my phone. Yes, here it is: Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Good one. Do you want to start?

Oh, you want me to answer it too?

Of course! Self-disclosure works both ways, nah?

You caught me there.

Go ahead

This may sound unromantic, but I love how engrossed you get when you do stuff. I glance sideways while we watch movies, and it’s like you dive into that world and become a part of it. I stare at you during lectures, how you twirl your pencil and how it’s always razor sharp, and how you concentrate, like you grasp every word and assimilate the concepts. You give your utmost focus to every task you do.

That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Really?

Not kidding. I’m serious.

Your turn.

I like the way you intellectualize even the mundane aspects of something. like when you give me explanations about a particular scene in movies, when you advise your friends, and even the questions and doubts you ask in class. I love the way you think.

That’s a serious observation. I’m flattered. Really.

2 down. One more to go. Shoot the final question.

Okay, this is not a question but a small exercise called the Eye Gazing Exercise. I think it’s self-explanatory.

Do we need to look into each other’s eyes? Damn.

Yes. Let’s do it for one full minute. No words. No shifting your gaze. just staring into each other’s eyes. enmeshing our souls, to make it sound cheesy.

Let’s do it. Final step. Us: 1. Vulnerability: 0. Let’s beat the shit out of it. Let’s get real and vulnerable. I’m ready

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

The frequency of fireworks skyrocketed. The loudness of celebration grips the whole sky. The oohs and aahs, the faint voices of strangers screaming Happy New Year. All over the world, lovers kiss each other and commemorate a new beginning. Overcrowding roads. Booze overdose. The entire world is mad and happy. For the first time, it doesn’t affect me. I’m not concerned about anything now, other than this woman who’s standing in front of me. Her gaze. Transfixed. I feel seen. Stripped naked. and I see her too. So this is what vulnerability feels like.
Slowly, the night settles down. A meditative silence revolves. The moon is the sole witness to everything. We stand there. looking at each other.

*cue Vaa Uyire by Seinnor*